How do you know that your life sucks? You are in the library during syllabus week. It is your job during this period to drink copious amounts of alcohol and slam hot broads before they become initiated into sororities, where they will soon become tapped bitches. This is a time to throwback jaeger with no fucks given, almost like when a little kid thirstily chugs his juice box after a lap around the playground. The local bar is supposed to be packed during this time frame, not the educational building full of boring books that are useless to most of society. The only Adderall being snorted at this time should be to stay up and drink more.
In order to stay healthy, I went to the gym before my evening festivities tonight. That was when I saw people crammed in the library like Mexicans in a truck sneaking across the border.
So why are people in the library? It is obvious they have no life. They are worse off than Hulk Hogan after his wife left him and he started acting creepily toward his daughter. They are in the library because they don’t have friends. Either that or they still haven’t realized that they already graduated high school. Fuck, even people who can't drink because of parole reasons find a way. Last time I was in the library I got in trouble, because supposedly drinking and studying don’t mix in fine campus establishments. This is an invalid argument because most schools do not have accurate statistics comparing alcohol consumption and academic performance. I got my best grades when I drank, and by best grades I mean safely over the dean's list minimum. During this time period I never entered the library.
Library=Losing Don’t be a loser. College does not last forever. Syllabus week is supposed to be a fun time, so enjoy it. You cannot be a frat star forever.
- Swagenberg (The Intern)
