A man, that must remain anonymous because he holds a prestigious position, told me this story the other day. This story is about his best friend who is a Jewterican. What is a Jewterican you may ask? According to this man, a Jewterican is a cross between a Jew and a Puerto Rican. At this point the story became lame, and quite honestly the only entertaining factor was that this jager-infused storyteller was spitting cookies all over the floor and going in and out of consciousness due to ground up Tylenol PM mixed in with his drink. The story took a while to finish and sucked, but the one interesting part was that the Jewterican culture celebrates their Bar Mitzvah with a pig roast, which is against Jewish requirement and culture.
I have no idea if this culture is real, but it made me think. Why can’t I start my own culture, a place full of happiness? A place where I can lay on the beach with my trophy wife and watch the clouds blow by with no worries in the world. Then I realized that this culture is retirement, but unfortunately it may die out when the fiscal cliff hits. This is why the rich have been pulling their money out of the stock market. A shit show is about to hit, and retirement is going to die out. People will be old and miserable, working till they hit the grave just so they can help hipsters receive unemployment and health care. So take a stand, support retirement, and be open to cultures such as the Jewterican culture. The world is a boundless source of information awaiting those who seek it.
- Swagenberg (The Intern)